i gave a call to my mum today and i felt better she said i had trouble managing money and i said its because i gave it to someone else do you believe it is a scam i agreed to a certain degree because i myself feel very unsure i told her we broke up yesterday that is why i felt unwell during yesterday's call i also told her that i felt stronger and happier the days we were together and then my mum wanted to educate me i felt very vulnerable i was very upset because she wanted to tell me i made a wrong choice and i believe i was scared to... i don't know i am not a confident person so if my mum makes me feel i am little anyway i was very angry and asked her to stop but she did not and kept going i feel very weak right now but i remember one thing he said that i am a good i feel really scared for amounting to nothing
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i woke up feeling something very similar to depression this morning however i talked to the nurse and what she said helped me she said focus on yourself and do things you love i went down to lvl 2 to do some dancing it was also sunny the summer sun radiated warmth on my arms i felt happy i felt free i still can feel sad when i think about the situation and part of me has yet to process why but it is ok people are different i can understand me liking him for the support and being part of me however he no longer ... i still don't believe what he said but people are different and can feel different things part of me even believes it is true, i like him, more because... ah it does not matter, even if my feelings were superficial to a degree, more or less, i wanted to be with him forever
after breakfast
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now sitting in my room, i feel tired however i feel motivated and energised to a degree i think i am very much motivated by an audience 19.47 the art therapy class was funny, i am quite well but i had to make myself be unwell in a way i want to feel like i am capable of making decisions independent of my mum i want to be confident in my choices i want to be supported in my choices 20.43 i am bored and slightly unsure of what to do 22.07 what do i really want? what do i wish to improve? I think i want to be happier and more emotionally safe and stable, I want to be stronger so that normal life stresses are seen in a nonchalant manner next day i love this song, going to record myself evening todays been a busy day, so many thoughts, so many plans... watched one episode of a drama towards the end it started buffering i believe i think highly of myself because i am actually not confident, i do not have a lot of skills, i want to feel strong the past month i have also...
sunday in hospital
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i am going to sleep now, feeling quite exhausted and done excited to start writing a blog this is going to be for myself and i am feeling slightly motivated to know there might be people who may possibly stumble on this blog my hope is for me to start writing, get stronger, love myself and and and and haha good night mc